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Attaching Intelligently in Regards to Peer Pressure

Updated: Jun 13

Sometimes phrases are overused and lose their impact. Yet, the idea or concept thrives like an antibody. Conversations that contend with ‘peer pressure’ so readily negate power attributed to parent(s) or teacher(s). To be concerned about a young person and their goings-on is highly reputed. Still, adults aren’t typically as highly esteemed by our malleable young people. Yet, helping youngsters deal with their own life experiences well, is typically our goal.

To see through the eyes of a young person and seek to understand their lives is a task. Another step is help them feel motivated. Their needs exist on every level of reality, to determine what is best is a complex issue with which to deal.

Interpersonal

I’ve heard that peer pressure is not necessarily direct convincing. Friends don’t say “we should do wrong” but the tone of the communities they form, supports their idea(s). As a parent, be the better friend! Scrutinize and choose environments, friendship circles and activities that keep your child above the circumstance. Address topics and people who have influence and authority over your child and their decisions.


Getting your children to look to you for advice is a challenge. It is not an impossible feat. It is a series of small decisions. So, if you don’t feel you’ve done a perfect job, thus far, start now. Make a few small positive efforts, not out of concern but shared responsibility. Are they being challenged in school academically? Have they strategies to seek peaceful dynamics? Have they hobbies that are good for them?

Intrapersonal

What kinds of dialog go on inside our heads that influence decision making? Do we scrutinize who we seek approval from? Do we have any idea how to look for discernment?


If we actually thought on a daily basis that each day and each decision is of MAJOR impact to our future, and our future can be an ideal image of what we want….fully satisfying with all the trimmings (Bible, n.d.). Maybe we would be alerted by negative decisions that chip away at our dream with things like strife, mischief, and pain…

Lingual

What you say defines you: it hides aspects of you, it forms ideas of you, it pronounces your needs. How we go after dialog is interesting, the motive for exchanges. When do you feel you under talk, over talk, or chit chat away? When should you be care free in conversations? When should you watch what you say? Are there conversation risks to take or dialogs you inadvertently avoid?


When you consider all we know and can do it is amazing that we do not take conversations more seriously. Thinking about advisement is a particularly crucial step to thinking through. Are there some people you dismiss that you should rather heed. Think it through, how has an vantage you’d like to include in your considerations.

Spatial

Spatially arranging your “stuff” may give you the opportunity to contend with emotions. In other words, take feelings to diagrams, and planning and cutting paper. This may provide opportunity to make what is implicit have a new explicit storyline. We can rework our implicit storyline making room for the explicit story sharing to become something new, reexamined (Child Centre for Mental Health, 2007).

If feelings of betrayal are left unacknowledged, they may just find a place in the youngster’s value system, as a “way.” Because resolve was forsaken. So, feelings of being slighted or forlorn may seem to produce a false sense of security.


This is what-would-be wisdom.


The unresolved feels, now values, now rebellion will need to be contended with after misbehavior, rather than resolved with appropriate behavior. Maybe your life plan will incur the damage. A good think-through may be coupled with rearranging, clearing, and/or designing.

Visual

Depicting what we are dealing with visually is: soothing, interesting, and ‘communicates.’ We are in need of expressing ourselves on so many levels. Those that feel misunderstood 'do wonders' with art. There are countless mediums. Some people have a ‘bent’ toward visual intellect. I believe they are often intrapersonally (Gardner, intellectual rathter than interpersonally intellectual. So, verbal intellect, if pressed, may be a real challenge.


Taking an objective view of other people’s art is a great way to deepen conversation. Different vantages are like stepping stones to insight. You know your child best, but once and again…whose temperament does your child have. If it is that of your spouse (or ex-spouse) you may not naturally cooberate and need to ‘look for’ there talent and ways of communicating. Keep in mind: You are the expert of your child!

Kinesthetic

Dance, yoga, and exercise are so useful. Growing in a discipline that is kinesthetic may provide a way to avoid peer pressure that leads to promiscuity, potentially containing your child’s desire to understand their sensual changes. Instruction and performance recitals are something everyone can celebrate.


What a blessing to share in your teen’s development! Give heed to how they consider themselves and their bodies. So much literature addresses their developmental years. They should always have the structure of dialog along with their body growth.

Musical

Kids turn to music. It explicates feeling; it circumscribes the soul; it blesses our minds. Rhythm, rhyme, timing, vocals; all depict relationships that keep us curiously engaged. Music invites the inarticulate.


Music is known for its healing properties. The idea of sharing in music: whether concerts, lessons or appreciation therein…is worth the time. Sharing a print out of lyrics is interesting, investigative, and insightful.

Logical

This may be an no-brainer exemplar, but consider the following. A teen ruminating: “I need to reason though life. Someone else’s logic may benefit me." Beware, sometimes it is the loudest, not the most logical that gets the attention.


Sometimes it is the least righteously intended that get attention and control. How do we help our children remain logical and cool? What pulls on our character may or may not help us persevere through difficulty. Difficulty begins subtly.

So, it is the perseverance, the little moments, the choices that truly count. I believe the most important thing is to get our hearts above their heads. I literally, when my daughter was little, would put her to sleep sleeping over her head. Then when I began to read book about sexual development I felt my heart over her head in a way that humbled her, keeping her my little girl.


Our children are likened to booey’s. They try to get above us, but they don’t truly want to. We have to help them know that they can be deceived and that we can help them through it. But, that they don’t know everything nor do we…but they need to get from US what they need straightened out, not the world.

Existential

I have a soul. Drugs and sex can take it away. Some circumstances seem more benign than they are.


Some people build credit with discredit. Some call insecurities immature. They use that to gain power and pull on us and our decisions. These are the ones that need to be led, not a leadership role. Some may even ‘wage war against your soul’ by introducing you to a life that is a lower level than what you could have attained. Existential is the why’s. We have to help them ponder with us…taking healthy risks with us…know that there are other answers to our why’s that may win and how to contend with losing at times.

Connect with your child, it is imperative. Too many drugs give youngsters the opportunity to explore what is “out there” by being woo’ed into out-of-control environments that are in the wrong person or people’s control. At-risk situations created by peer pressure maybe shouldn’t be verbally and conceptually acknowledged. They attack youngsters’ logic and reasoning...better to supplant certain risk-taking by time with you.

References


Bible (n.d.). Jeremiah 29:11-13. Zondervan


Sir Richard Bowlby (2007). Professional Development: 'Frightened to Love: Working with Attachment Issues and Attachment Disorders in Children, Young People and Adults. Child Centre for Mental Health.

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